Something has been bugging me the past year. At first, it was just a niggly thought which I would more often than not, just shrug off and blame it on stress. But then it got more intense and I would be home, stressed and feeling horrible.
For those in the know, I have been having on-going battles with Friend A for the longest time now. The endless comparisons and one-ups are getting tasteless and frankly, even though I wasn’t playing the game, I always ended up exhausted.
It was the last straw. I had enough of hearing Friend A talk about her apartment in Orchard Road. Her somewhat complete family of an Ang Moh husband and a recent baby in tow. Nope, no more of that. (Though perhaps, I must put the record straight that if Friend A were to go on and on about her husband who happens to be Ang Moh (instead of her Ang Moh husband - see the difference?), this friendship would still be bearable).
Friend A has always been perplexed and critical of the route M and I decided to take together – got engaged with a less than 0.3C diamond ring. Got married with a wedding ring in all its white gold glory (mine). Sink the CPF monies into an apartment (read: HDB flat). A 4S flat no less. (For those not versed in the local Singaporean “garment” housing talk, “4” refers to a 3-bedroom apartment and “S” just means standard which in truth means the smallest of the lot of different types of layouts of the apartments). And oh, we have no car.
For those in the know, I have been having on-going battles with Friend A for the longest time now. The endless comparisons and one-ups are getting tasteless and frankly, even though I wasn’t playing the game, I always ended up exhausted.
It was the last straw. I had enough of hearing Friend A talk about her apartment in Orchard Road. Her somewhat complete family of an Ang Moh husband and a recent baby in tow. Nope, no more of that. (Though perhaps, I must put the record straight that if Friend A were to go on and on about her husband who happens to be Ang Moh (instead of her Ang Moh husband - see the difference?), this friendship would still be bearable).
Friend A has always been perplexed and critical of the route M and I decided to take together – got engaged with a less than 0.3C diamond ring. Got married with a wedding ring in all its white gold glory (mine). Sink the CPF monies into an apartment (read: HDB flat). A 4S flat no less. (For those not versed in the local Singaporean “garment” housing talk, “4” refers to a 3-bedroom apartment and “S” just means standard which in truth means the smallest of the lot of different types of layouts of the apartments). And oh, we have no car.
The rings. Eternal questions about those tangible things that people have mistaken as proof of love. Hands up those whose husbands actually shopped for an engagement ring alone for 3 months, learning along the ways the 5Cs? Mine did. And mine didn't go something like "er...maybe we should get married and then we can get green card".
And yes, so I am wearing a white gold half eternity ring for my wedding band. There's no shame in that. I had the This-Is-It-Moment when I first laid my eyes on it.
M and I commute to work - we take the bus to the terminal and then hop onto the train - it takes us a good hour to get into the office. Yes, we could probably buy a car and zip around the city everywhere in under 45 minutes but why would we want to spend extra monies on petrol and vehicle insurance and COE just so that we can get somewhere 15 minutes earlier than we would usually take to get anywhere? And oh, did I mention that M and I want no part in contributing to the already congested roads in Singapore and to the pollution effects vehicles have here?
The apartment, yes. We have had more than our fair share of queries. And for one last time, here’s our reasons for not sinking our monies on that new development in District 9 for our home.
(1) We want to be debt-free in 3 years.
(2) We want to get a proper house with front garden and a backyard in Australia in a few years.
(3) We want to be able to travel and experience and expand our minds. A lot. For holidays, mind you. Not work-related. Weekend breaks around the region. Long holidays in exotic places. M wants to revisit Egypt. I want to revisit Cyprus. We want to do all that without having to worry about how much we’ve put on our cards.
(4) We want to wait for a worthwhile development to come up in Singapore (preferably after being debt-free. See Reason 1 above) before dumping our monies into a unit and then wait for rental income to roll in.
We were debt-free in the course of our wedding preparation : we were disciplined enough to use whatever available resources we had to dream up our wedding - It was perfect!
We were debt free after the renovations to our apartment. Well, apart from the monthly repayments to the quasi-“garment” for the next 2 years, we should be fine.
So there. I am glad that M and I chose to go the long and difficult route in this relationship. It's not difficult really. Just disciplined.
M and I can’t claim to live in Orchard Road. And yes, please give us an hour’s lead time for us to meet you anywhere in the city. So no, whilst I am sure Friend A is happy with her lifestyle and being a slave to the Bank for at least the next 10 years of her life, we are happy with how we chose our path.
And oh, Friend A is friend no more. ~ Inspira
The apartment, yes. We have had more than our fair share of queries. And for one last time, here’s our reasons for not sinking our monies on that new development in District 9 for our home.
(1) We want to be debt-free in 3 years.
(2) We want to get a proper house with front garden and a backyard in Australia in a few years.
(3) We want to be able to travel and experience and expand our minds. A lot. For holidays, mind you. Not work-related. Weekend breaks around the region. Long holidays in exotic places. M wants to revisit Egypt. I want to revisit Cyprus. We want to do all that without having to worry about how much we’ve put on our cards.
(4) We want to wait for a worthwhile development to come up in Singapore (preferably after being debt-free. See Reason 1 above) before dumping our monies into a unit and then wait for rental income to roll in.
We were debt-free in the course of our wedding preparation : we were disciplined enough to use whatever available resources we had to dream up our wedding - It was perfect!
We were debt free after the renovations to our apartment. Well, apart from the monthly repayments to the quasi-“garment” for the next 2 years, we should be fine.
So there. I am glad that M and I chose to go the long and difficult route in this relationship. It's not difficult really. Just disciplined.
M and I can’t claim to live in Orchard Road. And yes, please give us an hour’s lead time for us to meet you anywhere in the city. So no, whilst I am sure Friend A is happy with her lifestyle and being a slave to the Bank for at least the next 10 years of her life, we are happy with how we chose our path.
And oh, Friend A is friend no more. ~ Inspira
Ps. Exp, love is indeed all around. :-)
4 comments:
good for you! getting rid of a "toxic friend" is such a good move. i used to have one of those -- she always made me feel so bad about myself by saying these little things, and finally, i said, enough is enough! it's great to have lots of friends--but only when they're sweet, good, lovely people! :)
Thanks Joanna! I feel good after I got rid of that "friend".
Ps. I love "A Cup of Jo"!
Inspira->> i agree that we should live our lives the way it makes sense to us and those who matter, and not have to explain or be accountable to those who have no business judging our actions. hurrah for leaving all the unpleasantness behind!!
~e~ --> exactly! So why is it then that we always somehow get sucked into it and then realise it later after much heart-break? And hurrah indeed --> we celebrated over Ben & Jerry's (me) and Haagen Dazs (M)!
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