above pictures are beautiful in a spooky sort of way. all designs from Alexander McQueen whom I think is a genius (images via Nymag, Spring 2007 collection).
i read a Zach Braff interview on Instyle last night and he quoted Eleanor Roosevelt.. "Do one thing everyday that scares you". I forgot what Zach Braff did or is doing everyday but it got me into thinking what scares me.
i have doll-phobia and i have the typical bug-phobia. i don't understand the first, all i know is i generally hate dolls or anything that is life-like in a miniature form. no one taught me that nor was i conditioned, i was born with it as far as i know. neither was i traumatized by chucky or what that scary movie was called. yeah, he and his bride. bug-phobia has to do with the fact that those creepy-crawlies exhibit their body parts in explicit ways, the underside of a grasshopper, a cockroach, a dragonfly, a butterfly - there's no concealing their functional parts, very much like machines. i'm now weak in my fingers as i'm typing this.
Roosevelt's quote reminds me that there's such a thing as numbing your fears. through practice. that quote sneers at me. it daunts. it makes me want to analyze those irrational fears within me. it also makes me want to accept my fears. it also reminds me of that expeliamus spell that Harry Potter has to learn how to cast, and in the meanwhile, confront his fear. my fears? here they are:
- i fear that if i'm not cautious, i'll become unlovable and before i know it, i'll be abandoned and left alone.
- i fear my honesty, that i don't filter my thoughts and inevitably hurt the ones that i care most about.
- i fear that i'll be a bad mother if i ever become a parent.
- i fear hell.
- i fear that one day, the whole world will find out what a 'faker' i am, that i'm not as good as they think. i'm actually rather stupid and mean.
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