hello

hello world,

i've come to be aware of my liking to address you this way, "hello!"

recently, i've come to regard you as a mish-mash of stuff. of people, of emotions, of nature and of the unknown underwater habitats. and i've come to find out my role in people's lives and their roles in mine. i've come to realize how my day goes depends on so many different things. but i guess, in some contorted evolutionary way, i learned to siphon off noise.

i was in a meeting yesterday - the contents of which were supposed to be off-the-record (the record-taking person was asked to leave so the rest of the participants were free to express their thoughts.) and there was a vote, i voted for an unpopular opinion - unpopular is defined as running opposed to what the bosses think. and this morning, i was confronted by my boss.

bosses were not allowed in that meeting either. someone told a tale. big brother is watching.

i did not defend my vote. it's my vote and i don't have to justify it. but for a moment, i was wondering if i should have been more careful about my thoughts and actions. bordering on second-guessing myself, bordering on censoring myself.

i'm glad i didn't. i take this as a nice little victory i won for myself. i'm okay with the idea that my thoughts and beliefs and whatever i am can trigger discomfort in others.

so, hello world! i know that i can't control others' emotions and they can pound and mould me, still my mind is my bedrock and i'm glad you taught me i need the different forces coming at me so i can learn a little of myself each day.

xo,
exp