fuzzy scents

'This house brought back memories of our childhoods for both of us – of open back doors and neighbours and relatives wandering in and out, cooking and eating, coming and going, whether you liked it or not.'

i went apartment-hunting last sunday - a happy accident, i had not planned it. the process was uplifting. i know the search will be somewhat lonely because E is not here but that makes me ever more resolved to enjoy the process. i've always had the ability to visualize - thanks to my constant daydreaming - but recently i've been thinking about the manner in which i will carry out this hunt.

had tea with a friend e (another e) last saturday and our conversation brought up a point: does it matter that i have this whole lot of decor ideas but no apartment yet? my gut tells me "nope" but within me, i was mulling over this for the weekend. i guess it doesn't really matter. reason: i'm a dreamer. i'm vulnerable - i expose myself to a host of ideas sans boundaries. i'm making up my dream list as i go along; i'm prioritizing this list as i go along (i'm an economist by training and i stick to the village-chant/mantra: unlimited wants, limited resources).

what matters? what matters is what i want to embed - the untangible the tangible brings. i have the good fortune of chancing upon Livingetc and seeing the above quote. the quote brings back familiar scents (scents of my late granny, the sandbox, my mom's cooking, my pillow that is as old as i am and the sea). i realize that i'm on a quest to create that household warmth, that childhood fuzziness and the cute thing about it is, i'm hoping to embed E's childhood memories too. in so doing, i'll know more about E. these aren't the only memories that i'm trying to invoke, there are more. the memories of us first knowing we will share our lives together - the places we visit, the music we listen, the mire we share and the jokes we make. so, the apartment search will be a conscious process: conscious that it's not only about the "bricks and mortar", but about lives - ours, our friends' and families', our pets', our future kids', our dreams and fuzzy scents and warmth. ~exp.