official busy

this is my last week of "official busy". work-wise. this morning, i dragged myself out of bed, cursed a little, and told myself that step-by-step, i'll be able to get through the day. now's the end of that dreaded day, having triumphed (i.e. having gone through the entire day) i don't feel a sense of relief - i feel a sense of guilt. when i started this job, i promised myself to give my best, to serve; using what i had learned and was trained to do - my job was fairly straightforward - to lead by serving. yet, my spirit was weakened as the weeks went by. i'm now a crumpled mess with jumbled priorities. i still yearn for that desire to serve, i guess it's time to take a break. regroup. reassess my weaknesses and strengths. and start all over again.

my work environment requires much wit, lots of persuasion and loads of argument. sometimes, i find myself tricking my brain to take the stand of an arrogant idiot. and no matter how often i doubt myself, i still find moments when i could have been humbler, nicer and kinder.

my brain is in overdrive and my throat is sore. i long for sleep yet i'm here, finding solace in errr... typing(?) i'll finally get to see E in 10 days... i can't wait.... okay, not forming coherent sentences anymore... time to zzzzzzzzzzz